Grace, Truth, and Love

At the end of another 21-day Daniel Fast, I still felt like I was in the Pit of Despair. In fact, things got worse over the course of the fast and afterwards.

I was feeling like I had eaten something that had sharply disagreed with me when I passed out and hit my head. Regaining consciousness, by God’s grace I had the presence of mind to hold my hand on my head to stop the bleeding. Soon my husband came to help, at which point, it was a matter of cleaning up and assessing the damage. The cut wasn’t very deep, and I had no signs of concussion, so I just went to bed and tried to lay low for a couple of days.

But this happened while I was racing against several different deadlines, one of which was getting my picture taken for my graduation photo (but first I had to get the blood and antibiotic ointment out of my hair), and a day or so after that, I encountered an unprecedented argument tactic in my otherwise loving spouse (!). Sometimes things get worse before they get better.

[It’s taken me months to write this blog post, because I started to take it in another direction. The stuff I edited out will appear in a separate post. Here’s what I wrote just after completing the fast:]

“I am still feeling quite anxious, but I am thankful for God’s promises, and I am choosing to hang onto them despite my feelings. It is an act of faith for me to share the next part of Isaiah 58, because I’m supposed to be trusting that the following blessings are the rewards for fasting”:

⁸  Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. ⁹  Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am’ (Isaiah 58:8–9, ESV).

Let’s break this down:

V. 8a: “Your light will break forth like the dawn.” The form of the Hebrew word that is translated “break forth” implies a gushing or penetrating force, such as that which would breach a wall. God’s light will pierce through the dark oppression and shine brightly.

V. 8b: “Your healing shall spring up speedily.”

Healing? I needed healing. This word, in contrast to a force that could penetrate a wall, refers to the closing of a wound or the restoration of a wall. While God has power to break down barriers, He also has power to heal and restore!

V. 8c: “Your righteousness shall go before you.”

What righteousness? The only righteousness I have is what has been imparted to me by Jesus. He is my righteousness. HE goes ahead of me to clear the path of obstacles and opposing forces.

V. 8d: The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.”

This reminds me of the moment in the Exodus account when “the angel of God who was going before the host of Israel moved and went behind them, and the pillar of cloud moved from before them and stood behind them, coming between the host of Egypt and the host of Israel” (Ex. 14:19-20). Not only does God clear the path in front of me, He’s got my back!

V. 9a: “Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer.”

Who doesn’t want their prayers answered? Why would we pray at all if we didn’t have a shred of hope that God will hear and respond? This is what fasting is all about!

But wait! There’s more!

V. 9b: “You shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’”

Okay, fun fact: I had read this passage one morning during my devotional time, and tried to imagine God saying, “Here I am!” The Hebrew response when someone is called by name is “Hineni!” After running some errands, I came home and was actually startled to discover this on my pillow:

I frantically asked several family members how it got there. No one knew. The message was undeniable. God had just said to me, in the most personal way – right on the pillow I rest on every night – “Here I am!”

Later, my daughter said a friend of ours had given it to her to give to me, and since I wasn’t home, she had put it on my pillow so I would see it. Never underestimate the importance of yielding to a Holy-Spirit-led impulse to give something to someone. I processed this surprise gift as God telling me He has heard me, even though I don’t see answers yet, and it strengthened my faith! If you’ll recall, I was struggling with that when I said (above), “It is an act of faith for me to share the next part of Isaiah 58, because I’m supposed to be trusting that the following blessings are the rewards for fasting.” So, thanks be to God, and thank you, sweet friend, for your obedience to that prompting! You know who you are!

Researching the source of the Hineni banner led me to the website of One for Israel. I won’t comment now on anything political, but I was so blessed by what they had to say about “Hineni,” that I really want to share it with you. The link will take you away from this site, so I’ll go ahead and bid you adieu until next time, when I’ll be sharing how else God is showing up! Until then, BLESSINGS!

HINENI!